The Grass Isn't Greener

Have you ever felt that God uses mysterious ways to answer your prayers?  In the last two months especially, I haven't been very happy.  That's the easiest way to put it.  Nasha has been driving me nuts with her constant destruction.  I've felt overwhelmed with my household duties, been irritated by the small things, and have just felt a general discontent. 

Then, two things happened.  And they have rocked my world.  These are the life-changing things that leave you scratching your head, wondering how in the hell you were ever frustrated by your own charmed life.

A very good friend of mine from back in elementary school lost her unborn baby in January.  It was discovered through a routine ultrasound that the heart had stopped beating.  Then, a co-worker's 4 month old son stopped breathing while at daycare.  They are still trying to determine "why", but they are calling it "SIDS" at this point.  Both of these events have just shaken me to the core.  Sometimes I think it's really human nature to complain about our lives....and want more things or better things, or think that someone else might have it easier or better...like when I would get jealous of friends who had more free time that I did (read that as "more time away from their kids"). 

My whole parenting dynamic has changed.  I am so much more thankful for my kids, even during the hard times.  Now, do I love all of the hard times...(like when Nasha, who's almost 18 months) is still getting up at least 1 time a night (and SHOULD be sleeping through the night by now)...  No, I don't love all of those times.  But, you can bet your ass that when I'm treking to her room for a 3am cuddle session that I am thinking of my two friends who just lost their babies, and how they would give ANYTHING to have their sleep interrupted by their sweet babies.  They would give anything.  I'm not going to grumble about being able to spend more time loving on my sweet angel.  I'm choosing to be thankful in all of the moments.

Now, when I say that God has answered my prayers, please don't misunderstand me.  I don't believe for a minute that God wanted my friends to lose their babies.  But, I absolutely believe that God's message to me, through my friends' heartbreak, is for me to take a lesson from all of this.  I'm listening, God. 

I know it sounds so trite, but it really is true that the Grass Isn't Greener...It's not.  Your Grass is what YOU make of it. 

Going Crazy.

I know it's "just a phase..."

How many times can I hear that from someone, or think it myself?

But, in the meantime, I'm going crazy.  Total BAT-SHIT, Momma's lost her marbles, CRAZY!

I've been on this kick lately to actually get our house organized, things donated, cleaned out, etc.  I am taking no prisoners.  If it's on the floor, it's gone.  If you left it out, it's in the trash.  In other words---pick up your SHIT. 

Of course, all of this coincides with Nasha...or as I have called her lately, the DESTROYER.  No matter what I do, she destroys things!  A bin I just organized, dumped out.  A drawer I just organized, contents strewn everywhere.  She goes though cabinets, she empties drawers, she spills stuff every where.  Marker bins are opened and thrown everywhere.  I'm not getting ahead...I'm drowning in all this messy crap.  I'm going totally nuts.

Before you call Child Protection---I know it's just a phase.  But, I'm going crazy!  I can't get anything done all day!

I have this weird fascination now, since I'm not working at a "real, yes, I get paid everyday" job...to make sure I am "earning my keep" by really cleaning up the house, making a delicious dinner every night, basically trying to be a supermom.  It's about all I can do everyday to not check myself into a hotel!  Even as I try to type this, Nasha is continually unplugging my laptop.  I try to keep her busy.  We play, dance, read books, etc.  But anytime I TRY to do any type of chore, her destruction begins! 

Yes, I love my baby.  She's awesome.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was alone in this house so I could have a little peace.  And now I feel like a whiner.

Great.

Stay at Home Mom...

Okay, so um, yeah...it's been a while...


Those of us that stay at home and don't "work"...yeah right!  I work harder every single day now than I ever did at my "real" job as a school psychologist!  Hello!  Insane!  True, I don't have to deal with crabby parents or insane administrators, but I absolutely deal with unruly children, as well as a host of other things such as pantry destruction, the "throw the folder clothes out of the basket" game, and the "where is that smell coming from" mystery! 

I've also really realized that I am super type A---I mean, I knew I was---at work I was the queen of list making, and never missed a deadline or an appointment...but now with staying at home, all I do is spin my wheels.  Yes, I make lists...but with Nasha being the squirrel she is (meaning that she scatters messes all day long), I can hardly get a thing done!  It's insane!  The moment I try to sit down and organize something, she destroys a different part of the house.  Then, I go over there and get that picked up, and she destroys something else!  Of course, it's all good fun!  And so I get driven nuts all day b/c I feel like I can't accomplish anything!  I am so tired that when Nasha finally does lay down for her nap, usually I veg out in front of the TV b/c it's the only time I can get a moment of peace!  Then, I kick myself later!  :) 

I am enjoying being able to do meal planning much better now that I am home.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good meal out at a restaurant, but in the interest of saving time and money, it's been so nice to not have to try to throw something together at the last minute after getting home from work.  When I was growing up, I probably ate dinner with my family once a month, so it has always been really important to me to provide a family dinner every single night.  Loving the cooking--hating the cleaning up! 

Tonight's menu:  Walking Tacos!  Yum!